B.A. Sem 1 : Life Skills
Unit : 1
Chapter : 3 : Empathy
"Self-absorption
in all its forms kills empathy, let alone compassion. When we focus on
ourselves, our world contracts as our problems and preoccupations loom large.
But when we focus on others, our world expands. Our own problems drift to the
periphery of the mind and so seem smaller, and we increase our capacity for
connection – or compassionate action."
— Daniel Goleman
3.1 Empathy -
Concept
Empathy is the capacity to understand or feel what
another being (a human or nonhuman animal) is experiencing from within the
other being's frame of reference, i.e., the capacity to place oneself in
another's position.
•
The word
"Empathy" was first used by the American psychologist Edward
Titchener. It is a translation of the German word 'Einfühlung', which means
"feeling with". Others have explained it as "feeling into"
or "in-feeling". Empathy is believed to have grown out of the
physical "mirroring" that parents and adults naturally do with
children.
The Encyclopedia Britannica (1999-edition) defines
empathy as "The ability to imagine oneself in another's place and
understand the other's feelings, desires, ideas and actions."
•
When someone
empathizes with you, your sense of who you are gets connected to theirs.
Because of this, you feel better in some way and less alone. In turn, you may
also start to feel more empathy for them.
•
Empathy can
sometimes feel surprising or confusing when someone shows it to you. If it
comes unexpectedly, it may even make you a little suspicious at first. But once
it continues, it becomes hard not to appreciate that someone genuinely cares.
This is why empathy quickly leads to trust.
•
Empathy has been
described in many different ways, covering a wide range of feelings. This
includes caring about others and wanting to help them, feeling emotions that
match what another person is feeling, sensing what someone else is thinking or
feeling, and not paying too much attention to the line between oneself and the
other person.
•
Empathy is also
the ability to feel and share another person's emotions. Some believe it means
matching another person's emotions, while others believe it simply means being
warm-hearted toward another person.
•
Compassion and
sympathy are often linked with empathy, but all three words actually mean
different things. Compassion is the feeling we get when we see someone in need
— it pushes us to help them. Sympathy is a feeling of care and understanding
for someone who is going through a hard time. It can also mean that the line
between "myself" and "the other person" becomes a little
blurred.
•
In positive
psychology, empathy is also compared with altruism and egotism. Altruism means
behaving in a way that benefits someone else, while egotism means behaving in a
way that benefits only oneself. Sometimes, when a person feels empathy for someone,
this leads them to act in an altruistic (selfless) way.
•
Raising children
through empathy is quite different from older methods that try to control a
child's selfish urges only through shaping their behaviour, giving them
examples to copy, and making them feel guilty.
3.1.1 Types of
Empathy
Empathy can be broadly divided into two main parts:
affective empathy and cognitive empathy.
➤
Affective
Empathy: Also called emotional
empathy, this is our ability to respond with a suitable emotion when we notice
another person's mental state. Our capacity to feel this kind of empathy is
thought to come from "emotional contagion" — meaning we get affected
by another person's emotional or excited state.
➤
Cognitive
Empathy: This is our ability to
understand another person's point of view or state of mind. The terms cognitive
empathy and "theory of mind" are often used to mean the same thing,
but since there isn't enough research comparing theory of mind with the types
of empathy, it is still not clear whether they are truly the same.
Affective empathy is subdivided into the following
scales:
➤
Empathic
concern: Feeling sympathy and
compassion for others when they are suffering.
➤
Personal
distress: Feeling uncomfortable or
anxious, focused on oneself, in response to someone else's suffering. Experts
do not fully agree on whether personal distress is a basic form of empathy, or
whether it isn't really empathy at all. There may be a stage of development
involved here — babies react to another person's distress simply by becoming
distressed themselves, and only around the age of 2 do they start responding in
ways that are focused on the other person, such as trying to help, comfort, or
share.
Cognitive empathy can be subdivided into the following
scales:
✓
Perspective
taking: The natural tendency to take
on someone else's psychological point of view.
✓
Fantasy: The tendency to identify with fictional characters.
•
The empathic
person senses the other person's confusion, anger, fear, or love "as
if" it were his own feeling — but never fully forgets that this feeling
belongs to someone else, and that his involvement is only "as if" it
were his own. (Robert Bolton, People Skills, 1987)
3.1.2 Dimensions
of Empathy
Empathy was first developed as an idea within
psychotherapy. It is a psychological approach that helps caregivers support
patients who are struggling with strong emotions, such as anger or sadness.
Empathy is a very useful technique. It has, incorrectly, come to mean the same
thing as "support" in the doctor-patient relationship — but in
reality, empathy is only an indirect, and fairly weak, form of support.
Four dimensions of empathy are:
♦
The
affective/emotional dimension, which
describes the ability to share the feelings of others;
♦
The moral
dimension/relational, which describes
the motivation to seek the good of others;
♦
The cognitive
dimension, which describes the
ability to identify and understand the emotions of others; and
♦
The
behavioural dimension, which
describes the ability to clearly convey this understanding of others' emotions
back to them.
(These four dimensions — Behavioral Empathy,
Relational Empathy, Emotional Empathy, and Cognitive Empathy, arranged around
"Empathy" at the centre — together form the diagram shown in the
original chapter.)
Empathy is the ability to imagine what another person
is feeling, without actually feeling it yourself. What we imagine can never be
a perfect match for what the other person truly feels, but we try to get as
close to it as possible. Empathy is also the ability to reflect the feelings of
the person you are dealing with, back to them.
3.1.3 Empathy Vs
Sympathy
Empathy is the ability to experience another person's
feelings. It goes a step further than sympathy, which is simply caring about
and understanding someone's suffering. Both words are often used the same way
and even interchangeably (though this isn't quite correct), but they carry
subtly different emotional meanings.
The differences between empathy and sympathy are as
follows:
|
|
Empathy
|
Sympathy
|
|
Definition
|
Understanding
what someone else is feeling because you have gone through it yourself, or
because you can put yourself in their shoes.
|
Recognising
another person's emotional hardships and offering them comfort and
reassurance.
|
|
Example
|
"I
know it's not easy to lose weight, because I have faced the same problem
myself."
|
"Trying
to lose weight can often feel like an uphill battle."
|
|
Relationship
|
Personal
understanding
|
Understanding
the experience of others
|
|
Nursing
context
|
A
doctor connecting with a patient because he or she has been through a similar
situation or experience.
|
Doctors
comforting patients or their families.
|
|
Scope
|
Personal;
in some situations it can be one person relating to many.
|
From
one person to another, or from one person to many (or to a group).
|
3.1.4 Relationship
between Empathy and Sympathy
•
Both sympathy and
empathy are rooted in compassion — a mix of understanding and accepting others,
which can grow deeper through knowledge and wisdom. Compassion recognises the
"me" in "you" — the feelings that we all share as human beings.
Both sympathy and empathy involve caring for another person, but with empathy,
this caring goes further because we are also able to feel what the other person
is feeling.
•
Empathy and
sympathy don't always rule each other out, but they also don't always occur
together. For example, someone who loses a loved one may receive sympathy from
many people, but only those who have gone through a similar loss are truly able
to empathise.
•
An example of
sympathy without empathy could be someone who files for bankruptcy. Most people
who care about that person would feel sympathetic toward their situation, and
might even feel pity (a feeling close to sympathy) — but very few would be able
to truly empathise, since only a small number of people have actually
experienced filing for bankruptcy themselves.
3.1.5 Empathy,
Sympathy, and Humanity
•
The ability to
feel sympathy and empathy is seen as essential to being human — that is, being
able to understand our fellow human beings and their problems. People who lack
this ability are sometimes labelled as narcissistic, sociopathic, or, in
extreme cases, psychopathic. However, these labels should only be used if a
person consistently lacks the ability to feel sympathy or empathy.
•
In general, there
are many situations where people may not feel sympathetic or empathetic simply
because they lack knowledge, or because their own experiences are very
different — this does not mean their behaviour is abnormal. On the other hand,
some people feel too much empathy, and can eventually become overwhelmed by the
negative feelings they absorb from their relationships and interactions with
others.
3.1.6 Cultivating
Empathy among Children
Empathy starts with the ability to see things from
someone else's point of view — it can be thought of as walking in another person's
shoes. But having that ability alone is not enough. Salespeople, politicians,
actors, and marketers are often very skilled at seeing other perspectives, yet
they may not actually care about the other person. Below are five guideposts
for anyone who wants to help build empathy in children.
Empathize
with your child and model empathy for others
•
Children learn
empathy both by watching us show empathy, and by experiencing our empathy
toward them. When we empathise with our children, they build trusting, secure
bonds with us. These bonds are the key reason they want to adopt our values,
copy our behaviour, and, in turn, build their own empathy for others.
•
Children also
learn empathy by noticing who and what we pay attention to and appreciate. They
will notice if we treat a waiter in a restaurant, or a mail carrier, as if they
were invisible. On the positive side, they will also notice if we welcome a new
family warmly, or show concern about another child in our child's class who is
going through a difficult time or facing an unpopular position among
classmates. Give children some simple ideas for taking action, like comforting
a classmate who was teased.
•
Ask your child
questions. For example: What did you learn today that was interesting? What was
the hardest part of your day? If you could spend a day doing anything you
wanted, what would you do? Do you have a friend that you especially respect?
Why do you respect that person?
•
Consider
regularly taking part in community service, or showing other ways of contributing
to the community — even better, try doing this together with your child. Show
interest in people from different backgrounds who are facing different kinds of
challenges.
Caring
others with high ethical expectations
•
If children are
to value other people's perspectives and show compassion for them, it's
important that they hear from their parents that caring about others is a top
priority — just as important as their own happiness. Even though most parents
say that raising caring children matters a great deal to them, children often
don't actually hear this message clearly.
Keeping
to a clear message: Think about
the everyday messages you send your children about how important caring is. For
example, instead of saying "The most important thing is that you're
happy," you might say "The most important thing is that you're kind
and that you're happy."
Prioritizing
caring when you talk with other important adults in your children's lives: For example, ask teachers and coaches whether your
children are caring community members, not just about their academic skills,
grades, or performance.
Provide
opportunities for children to practice empathy
•
Children are born
with the capacity for empathy, but it needs to be nurtured throughout their
lives.
•
Learning empathy
is, in some ways, like learning a language or a sport. It needs practice and
guidance.
•
Regularly
thinking about other people's perspectives and circumstances helps make empathy
come naturally, and through trial and error, helps children get better at
tuning into others' feelings and perspectives.
✓
Having family
meeting: Hold family meetings
whenever there are family challenges or conflicts. In these meetings, give
children a chance to speak and encourage them to consider the views of other
family members. Listen carefully and ask your children to also listen carefully
to the views of others.
✓
Encouraging
empathy for peers: Ask children about
their classmates and other peers. Ask children, when they are in conflict with
peers, to also think about their peers' point of view.
✓
Reflecting on
empathy and caring: Notice with your
child when you're together and someone shows strong empathy — or shows a lack
of empathy — whether in everyday life or in a book or on television. Talk about
why showing empathy matters, and why lacking it can cause harm.
✓
Supporting
doing with: Encourage children not
just to "do for" others, but to "do with" others — for
example, working with diverse groups of students to respond to community
problems.
Expand
child's circle of concern
•
We often talk
about empathy as though it were a fixed amount — as if a child has "a lot
of" or "a little" empathy. Yet the real question is often not
whether children have empathy at all, but who or what they direct that empathy
toward.
➤
Zooming in and
out: Help children pay close
attention to other people's perspectives and feelings, but also help them
"zoom out" and take in many perspectives at once. Use newspapers, TV
stories, and conversations with children about the struggles and challenges of
people in other countries or communities.
➤
Understanding
those who are different or struggling: Help
your child understand how important it is to truly listen to people whom they
don't immediately understand or who may seem unfamiliar. Encourage children to
consider the feelings of those who are vulnerable, such as a child who is going
through some family trouble or who is unpopular at school.
Help
children develop self-control and manage feelings effectively
•
When children
don't show empathy, it's often not because they don't have it — it's because
some feeling or thought is blocking their empathy. Often, their ability to care
for others gets overpowered by anger, shame, envy, or other negative feelings.
•
Helping children
manage these negative feelings, along with any stereotypes or biases they hold
about others, is often what "releases" their empathy.
Identifying
feelings: Name difficult feelings
for children, such as frustration, sadness, and anger, and encourage them to
talk to you about why they are feeling that way.
3
steps to self-control: A simple
way to help children manage their feelings is to practise three easy steps
together: stop, take a deep breath in through the nose and out through the
mouth, and count to five. Try this together when your children are calm. Then,
when you notice them getting upset, remind them of the steps and do them
together.
Resolving
conflicts: Practise with your
child how to resolve conflicts. Think of a conflict you or your child went
through that ended badly, and role-play different ways of responding. Try to
reach mutual understanding — listen to and repeat back each other's feelings
until both people feel understood. If your child notices you going through a
difficult feeling and seems concerned, talk to your child about how you are
handling it.
3.2.6 Tips on
Helping Children to Develop Empathy
•
Empathy is the
ability to imagine how someone else is feeling in a particular situation, and
to respond with care.
•
This is a fairly
complex skill to build. For a child to truly be able to empathise with another
person, the child needs to:
➤
Understand that
he/she is a separate individual, his/her own person;
➤
Understand that
others can have different thoughts and feelings than he has;
➤
Recognise the
common feelings that most people experience — happiness, surprise, anger,
disappointment, sadness, etc.;
➤
Be able to look
at a particular situation (such as watching a peer saying goodbye to a parent
at child care) and imagine how he/she — and therefore his/her friend — might
feel in this moment; and
➤
Be able to
imagine what response might be appropriate or comforting in that particular
situation — such as offering a friend a favourite toy or teddy bear to comfort
her.
•
Understanding and
showing empathy grows out of many social-emotional skills that a child develops
during the very first years of life. Some especially important milestones
include:
➤
Establishing a
secure, strong, loving relationship with parents.
➤
Feeling accepted
and understood by you, which helps your child learn to accept and understand others
as he grows.
➤
Beginning to use
social referencing — being sensitive to a parent's reactions in new situations
— which helps babies make sense of the world and the people around them.
➤
Developing a
theory of mind, and recognising one's self in a mirror.
•
Be a role model.
•
Validate your
child's difficult emotions.
•
Show empathy
toward others who are experiencing difficult feelings.
•
Be patient.
Building empathy takes time. A child probably won't be a perfectly empathetic
being by age three. (In fact, there are even some teenagers and adults who
haven't completely mastered this skill either!)
3.2.7 Teaching
Strategies that Include Empathy in the Curriculum
By now, it should be quite clear that empathy is an
important part of a person's character. But you may be wondering how to fit it
into your current lesson plans. Here are a few ideas to get you started:
•
Empathy — the
ability to understand perspectives other than your own — is an essential skill
for every child to master, and it should be one of the important teaching
strategies that teachers focus on.
•
Empathy forms the
foundation for building bridges between people, understanding each other's
complex emotions, gaining a wider perspective, and using relationships to work
together and make progress.
➤
Be an example:
Remember that your students are
always watching you. They learn from your character and your behaviour just as
much as they learn from your teaching.
➤
Be a
consistent example of empathy: Show a
caring, compassionate, and understanding attitude consistently. Your students
will follow your lead.
➤
Create the
environment: It's important that your
students trust you and each other. If a trustworthy, understanding environment
is created, they are more likely to open up and show positive behaviour toward
one another.
➤
Include lots
of stories: Stories are probably the
closest thing we have to "walking around in someone else's skin."
They make us more human, and help us understand and connect with other people's
experiences.
➤
Work on
communication strategies: Feelings
are very different from words. It's important to help students find the right
words to express their feelings, both in speaking and in writing.
➤
Offer
collaborative group tasks: When
students work together on tasks or challenges, they experience a kind of group
bonding that brings them closer. Shared success or shared failure gives them a
joint experience that requires them to exercise their "empathy
muscles" with their peers.
➤
Identify
shared values and differences: Discussions
and activities go a long way in helping students see how they are similar to,
or different from, others.
3.2.8 Practices
that Foster Empathy
•
If mothers are
responsive, caring, non-punitive, and not overly strict, their children are
more likely to develop empathy.
•
It is equally
important for parents to explain to children, from the very beginning — as soon
as the child is able to understand — how their behaviour affects others.
•
If parents are
broadminded, sensitive, and genuinely concerned about other people, they can
teach their children that they have the power to make others happy. This lesson
can go a long way for children.
•
In fact, children
can grow into very good human beings if their parents encourage them to openly
discuss their feelings and problems with them. This can build a strong
foundation for developing empathy in children.
•
Children copy the
elders around them, especially their parents, during their early, formative
years. This is why the influence of parents during these formative years can be
extremely valuable in a person's life.
3.2.9 Practices
that Hinder Empathy
•
Threats and
physical punishment used to make children behave properly get in the way of
children developing love, compassion, and understanding for others. This kind
of treatment also leaves children feeling insecure, which can be harmful to the
development of empathy in a child.
•
Another set of
circumstances that harms the growth of empathy is when children's emotional
needs are met with inconsistent behaviour.
•
Good behaviour
should not be shown only as a response to an outside reward — it needs to
become a natural part of a person's inner development.
•
When good
behaviour is not made a true part of one's personality, it naturally becomes
hard for a person to behave well later in life without expecting some external
reward.
•
This, therefore,
works against the development of empathy. In other words, it hinders the growth
of empathy.
References :
Bhatt, Rajeshkumar I. Life Skill Education. Notion Press, 2017.
